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I saw something from a recent post that reminded me of something that happened to me a long time ago. It honestly wasn’t until that point that I realized that everyone that I had ever been friends with was probably a piece of shit and it’s one reason why i’m so cynical toward people. I may not be like that in tumblr, since i assume people on tumblr have no reason to be pieces of shit, but that’s just how I feel.
I used to think, “sure, people hate me because I’m not heterosexual, but i have people that support me, regardless.” this is probably one of the most incorrect statements - seriously. the people that hate me, stereotype me, and make the “gay jokes” are the same people that I went to school with all my life that tolerated me. take note that I said TOLERANCE not ACCEPTANCE because there’s a fucking difference. when you talk to the people that tolerate you, it isn’t obvious. you think they’re your friend, they ‘accept’ you, and yeah, maybe their friends, family, and acquaintances have shitty views, but they don’t, right? I mean, they did talk to me and was never rude - even some times defending me.
I remember I hated my school, so I laid my head down quite a bit. I had a few people in class that didn’t think I was complete shit and tolerated me. I thought some of them were actually my friend until one day, a new student asked someone why everyone in the school hated me. this basically commenced a small discussion on discriminatory bullshit and for some reason, it hurt my feelings a little. those people that were my friends laughed, added to the bullshit, and seriously gave less fucks than i do in a year. you can’t imagine the epiphany I had in that 2 minutes than i did that whole year.
when you realize that people are capable of having pointless hate toward you and even your “friends” have that same, disgusting quality just better disguised - it changes everything. the whole naive, ignorant scenario ceases to exist and I learned more that second about people than I probably ever have. People that hate a certain group but like one member of it place them in a seperate category. “You’re the exception, a credit to your type.” people will use you as that “one gay friend” that they know that’s cool - but still gay and disgusting. It’s okay though because they’re used to it, they won’t mind if their boyfriend, friends, or relatives say the most horrible shit about them.
the gist of this story is that I fucking hate people and my experiences of them, i feel, will never be outweighed by any sort of goodness from a single or group of people. Religion, kindness, or even god himself won’t change the fact that people are just shit sometimes, and you can’t lie to yourself forever.